A dialectical approach to understanding family life: How parents of LGB children experience ‘coming out’ and navigate parent–child ties

Many lesbian, gay, and bisexual (LGB) people, particularly those fearing or experiencing parental rejection, are vulnerable to mental health risks, such as depression and suicidal thoughts. While “coming out” to parents is a negotiation process affecting the entire family, the predominant focus has centered on the LGB individuals themselves, with limited attention given to parents’ agency or concerns. Little is known about how parent–LGB child ties unfold over time. Given the increase in longevity globally and the consequent lengthening of shared lifetimes between generations, it is important to address these gaps and pay more attention to LGB families of origin. This chapter analyzes the complexity of family negotiations post-disclosure, which may vacillate between confrontation and compromise, and between moments of denial and shame and those of acceptance and support. Conceptualizing these negotiations as dialectical, the study moves beyond focusing on LGB vulnerability/agency and centers both LGB people and their parents as active agents negotiating expectations regarding family, marriage, and (grand)parenthood. This dialectical approach to understanding family life reveals how one can work with family members to reach a place of mutual understanding and redefine intergenerational intimacy, and how traditional and new family scripts may collide and be (re-)interpreted. This chapter offers a cross-cultural lens to help develop theory and interventions supporting family members with differing sexual orientations to build better relationships.